“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”Romans 8: 5-6

As a Christian influencer, you might think that maintaining healthy boundaries is against what God wants. You might have a negative impression of it and believe that it’s a selfish act.

This isn’t true. In fact, even Jesus set boundaries. He accepted the limitations of his human body and said no to rude people. This is why he was able to remain calm amidst all the stressful events in his life.  

So if Jesus did? Why can’t you?

In this post, I’ll tell you the meaning of healthy boundaries, why it’s crucial to have them as an influencer, and how to establish them.

What are healthy boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are a set of limits or rules you establish to protect yourself from the uncomfortable and unwanted actions of people around you.

Why is it important to set boundaries?

Here are some benefits of maintaining healthy boundaries in your life:

Improved self-awareness

Knowing what’s okay and what’s not for you helps you discover more about yourself. You’ll have a clearer idea of what actions trigger your anxiety, anger, and negative thoughts. On the other hand, you can also identify what personal boundaries suit your preference and values.

Better stress management

When you set healthy personal boundaries, you lessen the chance of doing things you don’t like and tolerating actions you’re not comfortable with. Which are the common causes of stress.

Improved relationship with others

It requires you to be more open to the people around you. Having honest and open communication can make your relationship healthier and stronger.

Although it might be uncomfortable at first, telling people about the boundaries you want to establish can avoid future conflicts and misunderstandings.

Doing this might influence the people around you to do the same.

Makes you feel safer and happier.

When people around you know and respect your boundaries, you’ll feel more comfortable and happy with their presence. And if they’ve accepted your limits and are okay with them, then that means they really care.

Build your self-esteem.

Knowing, accepting, and establishing limits to protect your mental health and well-being can also increase your self-respect. It gives you the confidence to live and embrace who you are.

7 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries

1. Set boundaries in different areas of your life.

You should consider all these aspects when establishing limitations:

• Physical: What kind of skinship is acceptable to you? Does getting a hug from someone you just met feel comfortable?
• Emotional: What topics are discussable and what aren’t? How much rudeness can you tolerate? How much are you willing to share with others about your life?
• Time: Are you okay spending your day off with your friends? What do you feel about working overtime? How much time do you need to spend recharging and relaxing? How much for fun?
• Relational: What kind of activities are you okay doing with other people? What are things you don’t want them to do?
• Intellectual: What words do you hate hearing from other people? What topics are you comfortable discussing?
• Material: Are you okay lending your clothes to other people? Which of your things are off-limits? What will you do if someone borrows your stuff and damages it?

Use this guide and write down at least one boundary in each one. This way you won’t miss anything.

2. Start small.

You might feel overwhelmed by the list you’ve made, especially if you haven’t set healthy boundaries in your life. But don’t worry! Take your time and focus on one thing at a time.

Ask yourself, “which limitation would do I need to establish the most right now?”

Let’s say your boss gives you work even during the weekends. They are not urgent, but after letting him do it once, he repeated it frequently.

Now you feel guilty because you don’t spend enough time with your family. What you can do is start establishing a time boundary.

Talk to your boss and politely explain your situation. Tell him your reason, and offer a better option. Like instead of doing it on weekends, you can prioritize it during your working hours.

3. Stay consistent.

Once you establish healthy personal boundaries, try to stay consistent as possible. Don’t make excuses or bend it unless the situation is serious. Respect your limits so people will respect them too. It might be challenging initially, but you’ll be better with practice.

4. Establish it at the beginning of your relationships.

Setting healthy boundaries in relationship is easier when there are no expectations. If you’re meeting new people or have started working in a new environment, the best time to communicate your limitations is on the first meeting. Take time to explain why.

5. Practice saying no little by little.  

Tip #4 is for new relationships, while tip #5 is for existing ones. Many people struggle to say no to friends, co-workers, and even family members who already know who they are.

Setting boundaries in a relationship is even more complicated for people-pleasers as they’re scared to upset anyone. They think that being overcommitted and sacrificing their mental health is better than disappointing someone.  

If you’re like that, it’s time to say no to little things and build your momentum from there.

List down all activities you don’t like doing or want to decline, then pick one.

6. Say yes when you need help.

Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t only mean putting limits but also setting up new rules.

Asking or accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness. It actually shows you’re strong enough to admit that you can’t do everything alone. Moreover, it’s a sign of being confident and resourceful.

Next time someone lends you a hand, no matter how embarrassed you are, accept it.

7. Be kind to yourself.

Last but definitely the most important tip is to be kind to yourself. Remember that you’re maintaining healthy boundaries to live a happier and more intentional life. They shouldn’t make you feel miserable.

The process won’t feel light all the time. Not all people will accept and be okay with the limitations that you’ve set. This can make you feel guilty and sad. But don’t compromise unless it makes sense! As long as you know that you are establishing healthy boundaries for yourself, keep going.

Do not beat yourself up or remove boundaries just because someone didn’t like it. People who really care about you will understand.

Ready to have healthy boundaries?

You don’t need to stretch yourself too thin to serve others and work for God. You are human, and you need to accept that. God already loves you just the way you are. Knowing your worth in the eyes of God is enough.

To become an excellent Christian influencer, you must take care of yourself and your mental health. So you can live a more intentional life for God.

Are you maintaining healthy boundaries in your life right now? What is it?

Sources

Catallo, L. (2020, October 20). Six areas for healthy boundaries. Lisa Catallo Counselling. Retrieved October 15, 2021, from https://www.lisacatallocounselling.com/blogarticles/areasforboundaries.

Gaultiere, B. (2020, November 11). Jesus set boundaries. Soul Shepherding. Retrieved October 15, 2021, from https://www.soulshepherding.org/jesus-set-boundaries/.

Holmes, L. (2016, April 12). 10 great things that happen when you set boundaries. HuffPost. Retrieved October 15, 2021, from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/setting-boundaries-benefits_n_57043126e4b0b90ac27088bb.

Pattemore, C. (2021, June 3). 10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries. Psych Central. Retrieved October 15, 2021, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries.

‍